winners never quit.

i'm not quite sure what winning means any more. and what game am i playing. what game do i want to play. where is the line with what God wants and what I want? What happenes when i don't have the opinions of the people around me? how much do i need to sacrifice? i'm not sure.

My mind took a vacation

therefore, I have not written in a while. Like I said in my frirst post, I am fickle. I think it's about time to expect more soon.

"The book or reoccurring dreams"

I'm home finally. when i type home i actually just mean the usa. here are some things i missed about america:
-cracker barrel
-green, ugly money
-taco bell
-friends
-my bike
-dr pepper
-diet dr pepper
-people who don't say "eh" in random unnecessary contexts.
-the colors red, white, AND blue


ALTHOUGH, these are things i will miss about canada.
-the indescribable amount of pita restaurants
-people who say "eh" in random, seemingly unnecessary contexts.
-everyone i met
-british columbia's take on the rocky mountains(they blew my mind)
-lunies and tunies(actually maybe not)


good bye

pretty flowers

I have a bad habit of picking flowers I am allergic to. But Im pretty sure I learned my lesson. I came accross another flower that was beautiful but had sharp painfull looking thorns. I thought maybe I could pick it without getting cut. Then I noticed the flower was not fully bloomed. I decided that it would be better off if I let it grow and bloom to be even more beautiful. So I left it.

When I returned the flower was plucked from it's bush. And somehow I was cut by it's thorns anyway. I wish it could fully bloom.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Dear htd fan

I don't give a flying crap about how you feel about our music. Whether you think jimmy is a better vocalist than i is none of my concern. Music is fickle and certain songs are only meant for certain people. but here is what i do care about. I care about YOU. I want you to look deeper than the music. Although fun, metal core is a generic, bland, genera and will probably not stand the test of time. But I do believe that you are subconsciously searching for something that is more than a breakdown. its more than a catchy chorus. and for this, you need to look beyond the music. sometimes you have to look beyond the lyrics as well. this is something you will find deep in your heart. i also know that not everyone will find this. but I believe that if you are meant to find it, you will. please understand, our message is not music. it isn't metal. it isn't just the scream. it is LOVE. it is forgiveness. it is a call to a movement that is more important than you can understand. LOVE. without reason. without expecting something in return. LOVE God. and LOVE his people. not just christians. we are all Gods children. No exceptions. Prostitutes and preachers alike. we are all called to the SAME loving, warm, embrace of God. Don't forget this. it will save your live.


stephen albert joseph keech

Seattle, WA-> 22 hour drive.

Tonight we have a 22 hour drive to southern california tonight. thats just terrific. meanwhile, enjoy these pictures.

Saints and Sinners Tour (Draft 1)

There are some things in this world that a person just can't handle. For me, bad music is one of those things. And unfortunately, I am a pretty tough music critic. I hate that I am. I really wish I could make myself like everything under the sun and everything would be peaches and cream. But I can't.

Right now we are on tour with 2 of the worst bands I've ever heard. They are really nice guys and at this point I have separated the two: music and people. I've had the ability to do that with many bands in the past. You don't have to like the band to like the person, easy as that. But it still doesn't mean I want or can even handle listening to their band. Sometimes a band grows on you and sometimes you can't allow that to happen. Thats when you cant let yourself agree with anything the music speaks. Morally, musically. You can't allow yourself to support something that you know could possible be the end of all good music in general. I mean, I know that that is impossible. There will always be good passionate musicians out there that are positively going to make an effort to change music or even the world for the better. But its just a little too close for comfort.

Anyway, over the past few years I have had a hard time controlling myself when I get angry or annoyed at something. Its sort of a temper tantrum, so to speak. It isn't something I am proud of. Its quite embarrassing actually. I hate it. But it happens none the less. Maybe sometime i will learn how to use restraint or self discipline but for now i guess I'll just appoligize when i come to my senses and move on. Tonights "episode" happened like this: We played the show in Portland, Oregon. It was a pretty good show. I think we played decent and the crowed seemed to enjoy themselves. I was in a good mood after the show. We got in the van and realized someone had given us a big pink box of donuts. One of them had Coco Puffs on it and I ate it. It was delicious.

Let me back up a minute and tell you that earlier in the show, chuck, the merch guy for Hollywood Undead (one of the bands I was refering to earlier), called my name. when i turned my head he was holding up one of their cds and he asked me if i wanted it. I didn't want it at all but to avoid bumming him or creating an awkward situation I said "sure." and he threw it over to me.

Ok, back to the van. I still had the cd on me and I wasn't sure what i was going to do with it. I sure as hell wasn't going to listen to it. As I was brainstorming ideas on what the future use of this seemingly useless cd could be, Dave started telling me about how he was starting to actually like hollywood undead. For entertainment purposes of coarse but it still bummed me out. Its kinda like when a friend tells you they like heroin or math. But I was trying to be nice so I gave the cd to him. He seemed pretty stoked on having it so I was ok with it. Now we are getting to it. The reason I freaked out and all.

Mark was driving at this point and he took the cd from Dave and put it in the cd playing. As soon as I heard it through the speakers something snapped in my head and my mood instantaneously went from really good to angry and annoyed. This is a perfect recipe for one of my freak outs. I tried to play it cool like I was joking and I asked them to turn it off. See, when you are forced to listen to something over and over, night after night, and its stuck in your head all day, you kinda want to get away from it. Sometimes hearing something never again is too soon. So the van is kind of my safe house. A chance to get away from the show. The music was completely harshing my mellow. So, since asking wouldn't work, I demanded it be turned off. I was laughed at. Now, when demanding didn't work, I panicked and went on to plan C. I was going to attempted taking the cd out myself and possibly throwing it out the window. Crazy I know. It wasn't the most sophisticated, mature thing to do but it was the only thing that made sense to me at the time. It was my only option.

So what I did was I socked Mark right it the face. He was knocked out and the wheel went free. We were going about 70 mph on the highway so when I jerked the wheel in attempt to straighten the van but it was too late. And it only made it worse. The trailer whipped around swinging the van like a baseball bat hitting a home run. As the van was being thrown around like a rag doll, we flew into a ditch. At that point we were overrun by midget pirates. We lived happily in the land of ever after.

Obviously, the end of this story never actually happened. Everything after the me punching out Mark bit. I actually just got bored while I was writing this and I realized the real ending to the story wasn't actually that interesting and i was kind of embarrassed by it. I guess the real point of this story is that I let stupid stuff get to me. I have this delusion that I am in a place to criticize music to the point of annoying the people around me. What does it really matter if someone wants to listen to horrible music? Who am I to say its horrible, anyway?

This tour still has another week to it. So, I suppose I'll use this last week to chill out and let things be. What i mean by that is I will just enjoy life and not let dumb stuff ruin it for me. Life is too short for that. Isn't it?

Stephen Albert Joseph Keech

PS that was the longest blog ever. sorry about that.

Las Vegas

Lady fortune has smiled on me today. ^125. Woop woop!

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

secret

I asked myself this question earlier tonight and it is now starting to make sense to me.

"is my life a secret? What do I keep locked in the vault in my own mind?"

I thought I could say no at first. But the more I thought about it I realized that I was looking in the wrong places. I was looking for words that I was locking away. As if I wrote a secret book that no one could read. In this sense, I have no secrets.

And now I realize that my vault is full, but not of words. It can never be explained my any human language.

So therefore, it will remain a secret.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

"I want to show you something"

I dreamt of you when I was young. It's the first dream I remember. Since that night you haunted my childhood sleep and showed me what the weight of the world felt like on my shoulders.

This is how you came to me the first time: I awoke from a deep sleep. I stumbled out of bed and made my way down the staircase. There were more stairs in my dream. It felt like the desent lasted a lifetime. As I reached the bottom, I could feel the tile cold on my feet. Everything was darker than usual and there was a thick undiscribable presence lingering in the air. And then I saw you. Your image was burned in my mind. Painted on the back of my eyelids.

Suspended like a puppet you hung there in front of me. You took the form of a creature of the night and although you were born with no sight, you saw me like the day. Your blind eyes dug deep into my soul.

Although you were not darknes himself, you sang his song. You bore his mark. you were his words and you were his lies. At first, you said nothing. I stood there in my infant body, trembling in fear and confusion as your wings moved slowly, ungracefully, up and down.... Up. Down.

Then you spoke.

" follow me," you said. "I want to show you something." After you spoke those words it was as if I immediatly knew what you meant. My mouth was opened as you climbed inside my head. At that point I followed you down.

That is when I woke up. After that you came much differently but I always knew it was you. Sometimes I was asleep and sometime I was awake.

It has been about a decade since I last saw you but your taste lingers in my mouth.

I hate the very sight of you.

But I think now, you are afraid...

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

...

I.
Don't.
Understand.
Anything.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

you dug a hole

You started shoveling the cold soil with you hands shaped like cups. The further your fingers went down in the earth, the more your Heart could feel the void. So you would replace the earth with pieces of your soul leaving yourself an empty shell. Stop patching the hole with pieces of yourself you will never get back. Dig it up again. Put yourself back together. Push the dirt over the hole and forget about it.


Please.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

dear reader

I have not written you in quite some time. My thoughts have been stolen by my personal journal. Some things and better left written and soon forgotten. This tour has been emotionally very different from all the others. I have a higher calling than music I have come to realize. It is less about music these days. I have also realized I don't do what I do to somehow earn my salvation (it is impossibe to earn a gift), I do it because I feel that you are hurting. I feel that you are alone. I feel that you are wanting more. And if I can impart some of the confident hope that has been supernaturally given to me, I can potentially help you find a reason and purpose to live in this seemingly hatefull world. I pray that God will water an help grow the seeds that he has planted through me/us. Don't lose hope. Don't believe his lies. And please understand that the price we pay for free will and the purest of all love is worth our heart ache and will give us a better perspective of what God is teaching us from day to day. God bless.

Stephen albert Joseph Keech

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

as far as days go

This day is the most beautiful day I have experienced in a long while. I am happy. I am a stirred up. I am passionate. And I am continually being shown how to love the loveless, care for the hurting, feed the hungry, and forgive not only the people around me but myself as well. It's a good day.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

i will not live for compromise.
i will not be complacent.
i will be apathetic no more.
i will not be indifferent.
it is time to urn.
sing it loud from the roof tops
shout it out on the street corners
change is coming and don't deny it.
give me passion.
give me desire.
if i am insane, let me stay that way.
if i am wrong, what good would it be to be right.
give me love.
give me love.
give me love.
give me passion.
give me desire.
give me You.

They will never know

They will never know how much of my soul I'm baring every night, over and I over. But if at least one of them finds what they are looking for then I have accomplished my goal.

Dear weary, unworthy, and needy,
I am one of you. If I have to lead the revolution, I will. Do not be afraid of change.

Sencerly,
Stephen Albert Joseph Keech

$900 for Gods financial blessing

False prophets. Bringing financial trouble to families all over the world. Misleading the hungriest of souls. People starving for a miracle. And all in the name of the Lord.
Apparently, the financial blessing that God has the power to give anyone is on sale at www.inspiration.org for a small donation of $900. You can also buy your blessing at 1866 625 7635. When I called, i tried to get the warranty information for the blessing but they couldn't give it to me. Apparently, they don't have a system that is on par with apple care (an extended warranty program that apple offers all their patrons). I think I might go elsewhere for my "financial blessing" needs. Hopefully, I can find it on a clearance rack somewhere.

stephen

unforgettable.

There are few days in your life that you will never forget or understand. today was one of those days.

1. mike sprayed chocolate syrup on dave.
2. i knocked a girl unconscious.
3. brokencyde
4. hollywood undead
5. talking in circles (again)
6. peddling merch at our own shows
7. buddy intentionally spilling beer on scantly clad girls for money.

it was an unforgettable day to say the least. i wish you all could have been there to see it.

talk in circles

it is an endless cycle of debate. you talk and talk and still you come to no conclusions. when the current pulls you, you fight it until your limbs are numb. this is when your fear gets the best of you. you panic. when the wave hits you like a brick wall, you struggle to find and upward direction, but all you taste is sand at the ocean floor. make friends with the aquatic beasts, for as long as you fight the current you will find you watery grave. let go. fear not. you will find and arm will reach in and pull you out. its not my arm. just trust in the unforeseen. trust in the unexpected. Do not let your own words/thoughts destroy who you are designed to be.


stephen albert keech

Left for tour

I'm currently sitting on one of the most comfortable futons in the world and it just so happens to be in the back of our van which is on it's way to Florida. I've missed the suddle comforts of this van, and the easy escape of the van via an iPod and sound cancelling headphones. Goodbye Indy. You will be missed.

Love,
Stephen Albert Keech

its 6:59 in the morning and i'm wide awake.

these are things that make me sane.  

hello plane, where will you land?

I just watched an airplane take off.  It was headed south, and all i could think about was, 'lucky them.'  Things in indianapolis have taken a turn for the better.  I've been able to get closer to the people I love here and they will be dearly missed when I leave.  But I can still say I'm ready to go.  I need a change of scenery.  I need to see the parts of the world that I have missed dearly and to see some new parts as well.  I am drying out in this room; at this desk; in this city; in this state; in this world.  Lets change that.  

Stephen.  

Ps.  I will miss you a lot.  

PPS, I am officially caught up on lost.  

lost

<-what??

I've been watching lost for a week now and i'm in the middle of season four. i need a life.




the end

the grass is always greener

I guess it is true.  The grass is always greener on the other side.  I'm not sure when I will actually figure that out.  Everytime I get restless I think  of all the long term things that could make my life better.  I need to start thinking of what i can do today.  Even if it is just go see something i have never seen before, or read.  

ew i just sneezed on my hand.  

i have to go.  

Speak my mind.

"What can i do with my obsession?

With the things i cannot see

Is there madness in my being? 

Is it wind that blows the trees?

Sometimes you're further than the moon. 

Sometimes you're closer than my skin. 

And you surround me like a winter fog. 

You've come and burned me with a kiss. 

And my heart burns for you. 

And my heart burns.  

And I'm so filthy with my sin. 

I carry pride like a disease. 

You know I'm stubborn God and I'm longing to be close. 

You burn me deeper than I know. 

I  feel lonely without hope. 

I feel desperate without vision. 

You wrap around me like a winter coat. 

You come and free me like a bird."

And my heart burns for you. 

And my heart burns. "

Words by Martin Smith

...

Dear reader, 

I'm a piece of stale bread.  

Please don't let me crumble.  

Stephen Albert Keech

Ghost town

Dear reader,

This is no way to live.  Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in my own head and I can't get out.  all I want to do is put my head phones on to drown out the sound of my thoughts.  Music is always the same.  Never judges.  Never mocks.  I never feel out of place when I listen to it.  

Anyway, I need another break from indianapolis.  Hopefully when i come back next time it will change again but for the better.  

Stephen

PS.  

"It's a ghost town baby

It will drive you crazy 

When you rely on all your friends 

there's no way to stop them 

from becoming walking dead

your still living 

barely breathing

get out while you can." 

The Juliana Theory-Drive Away.  

The storm is coming in

Dear reader, 

Can you feel it?  

Rushing through you like a bolt of lightning? 

Overtaking your mind, heart and your body? 

Shaking your bones like an earthquake? 

No, we don't feel it.  

But we should. 

The impact of the story we are all a part of 

should hit us like a hurricane.

But we don't let it.  

Its time we start feeling something.  

Embrace it.  

Stephen Albert Keech

Inspire the Uninspired

Dear reader, 

I'm searching in the dark.  

My arms and hands feel nothing but cold blackness. 

My feet can find no traction. 

I'm searching in the dark. 

I've forgotten the use of sight. 

I've befriended loneliness. 

Emptiness knows my name. 

I am the forgotten. 

I am the needy. 

I am the broken. 

You are searching in the dark. 

Your arms and hands feel nothing but cold blackness.

Your feet can find no traction.

Your searching in the dark.

You have forgotten the use of sight.

You have befriended loneliness.

Emptiness knows your name. 

You are the forgotten. 

You are the needy.

You are the broken. 

We will find eachother. 

And the darkness wont seem so dark at all. 

Stephen Albert Keech

separation from your habitation

Dear reader, 

this is obviously the first blog on this page.  Its the first of what probably wont be many.  It is a reoccurring theme in my life to start things and never finish them.  For example, it took me about 4 years of numerous tries to get through "the fellowship of the ring".  i still haven't read the last chapter.  Maybe I'll try again this year.  

Anyway, I'm starting to go nuts at home and it has only been two weeks.  Maybe I need a job.... naw.  I'm starting to feel like that unfortunately obese man from jurassic park who sat at his desk eating copious amounts of junk food.  I'm ready to get on the road again.  But, just like everytime, a few weeks in I will get home sick and need some stability.  its a vicious cycle.  

Its time for another soda.  

sincerely, 

Stephen Albert Keech